No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
