I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
