Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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