The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
