we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
