the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
