Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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