Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
