the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
