so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
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It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
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he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
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