i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
