I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
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He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize