I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
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woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
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My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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