can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Randomize
