I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
