Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
