so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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