Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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