doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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