Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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