Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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