I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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