Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
