I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
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He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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