Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize