i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
