you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
