Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
