puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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