When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
