God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
sex in a hospital.. check
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
