If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home