Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
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we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
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For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.