should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival