mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce