there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"