im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.