Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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