Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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