If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
