The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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