whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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