Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
