Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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