a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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