If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
