I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
