Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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