...so i touched it.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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