An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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