So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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