found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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