around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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