YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
