I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
