Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I enjoy the company of your penis
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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