i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
