Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
