I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
