dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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