You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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