Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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