But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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