this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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