I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
