Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
