she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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