i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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