So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
