You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
