A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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