I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
